Round Britain in 60 Days

Warm Sun at the Fortress of Light,

The great day dawned at last : the 7th of April has been ingrained in our hearts for months. The Day of Departure was upon us. It didn’t seem quite real.

Final packing was accomplished fairly efficiently; washing up and tidying the house took a bit longer. We were greatly honoured by Emily, who had come all the way from Wakefield to wave us off. She brought her parents with her, too.

As we drove down Cherington Road, Willow let out a great shriek of joy. We were on our way!

Initially, everything seemed normal. Petrol at Sainsbury’s (151. Quite cheap).Big delay on M54, alternative route on A5 and a stop at the Wrekin Retail Park to see Finn and Pip, and for Willow to get on her back underneath Red to spray WD40 on a squeaky clutch. But after more thick traffic around Shrewsbury, we found the open road in Wales ( Red always out front at the head of a looong trail of traffic). Whilst not yet at the coast, the scenery was superb. We drove through hills and valleys, the grass bright and brilliant in clear sunshine. More often than not, a babbling stream flowed beside and below us. To complete the Welsh cliché, the fields were full of gambolling lambs. One field was guarded by a fierce Prop Forward of a ram.

Anticipation mounted as we drove down the impressive Mawddach Estuary, looking for the sea like two over excited children. There was much merry yelling when the ocean was spotted through the arches of the iconic railway bridge spanning the estuary.

We had arrived at the sea, which is to be our constant companion for the next 59 days.

Barmouth was very full of carefree Easter holiday-makers, mostly from the West Midlands, as confirmed by the man in the KKs Steel Mill tee shirt. The beach is big enough not to be packed, but the cafes and Fishandchipperies were doing a roaring trade. This was the traditional British seaside resort in full flow!

Our destination was somewhere more elevated; literally, because we climbed the imposing hill that stands above Barmouth.This one-time Iron Age fort is known as Dinas Oleu, or the Fortress of Light was the very first piece of coastal land donated in 1897 to the National Trust by Mrs Fanny Talbot, a noted local philanthropist. A steepish climb took us through the old town, known locally as the Rock, due to its resemblance to the houses clinging to the rock of Gibraltar. We got not quite to the summit of Dinas Oleu, but high enough to see Barmouth laid out below us. The harbour, beach, fun fair (far too noisy), promenade, expansive car parks, mountains as a backdrop, the river estuary to the south and the Llyn peninsula to the north. It was a grand panorama and a perfect first stop for our coastal tour; a tantalising taste of many more wonderful things to come.

Our campsite proved to be a treat. Llwyn Griffri is a working sheep farm, all stone buildings, chunky dry stone walls and trees sculpted over many years by the full force of the west wind. We set camp with views to the sea and we were treated to a spectacular sunset, which seemed to make the Llyn Peninsula more like Mordor.

We drifted off to sleep, with the sea booming rhythmically in the background, like the peaceful snores of a contented circumnavigator.

( 136 miles )

Today was hardcore packing.

Without any doubt, this would necessitate a musical montage in our tv travelogue,  loading Red to the inevitable strains of  “The Final Countdown” . And when it seemed impossible that anything else could possibly be squeezed into the rapidly diminishing space, “Don’t Stop Believin’” would be the only option.

There was even time to mend the fence, visit the garden centre and conduct several telephone conversations.

We were enormously grateful to Helena and Pip for all their hard work and invaluable assistance. Helena even took down the last remaining Christmas Tree. Pip played with the large outdoor Nativity Set. Cue any particular Christmas song.

Red Empty

Red Full!

Sadly, the stowaway was discovered before we set off.

Date	From	To	Travelling by	Staying at	Day
Tuesday 7 April	Birmingham	Barmouth		Llwyn Griffri CS, Talybont	1
Wednesday 8 April	Barmouth	Bangor	Llyn Peninsula	Treborth Hall Farm CS, Bangor	2
Thursday 9 April	Bangor	Penmaenmawr	Anglesea	Trwyn yr Wylfa CS, Penmaenmawr	3
Friday 10 April	Penmaenmawr	Wirral	North Wales / Wirral Peninsula	Britstops : Cottage Loaf Inn	4
Saturday 11 April	Wirral	Preesall	Lancashire / Blackpool	Saracen’s Head B&B	5
Sunday 12 April	Preesall	Haverigg	Morecambe Bay	Harbour Lights CS, Haverigg	6
Monday 13 April	Haverigg	Gretna	Lake District	The Retreat Airbnb, Gretna	7
Tuesday 14 April	Gretna	Creetown	Galloway / Solway Firth / Wigtown bay	Castle Cary HP, Creetown	8
Wednesday 15 April	Creetown	Glenapp Castle	Rhinns of Galloway	Glenapp Castle Hotel	9
Thursday 16 April	Glenapp	Helensburgh	Ayrshire  / Firth of Clyde	Helensburgh Travelodge	10
Friday 17 April	Helensburgh	Loch Striven	Rosneath & Cowall Peninsulas	Loch Striven Wild	11
Saturday 18 April	Loch Striven	Inverary	Kyles of Bute / Ardlamont Point	Rudha-Na-Craige B&B	12
Sunday 19 April	Inverary	Carradale Bay	Kintyre Peninsula	Carradale Bay CS	13
Monday 20 April	Carradale Bay	Kilberry	Mull of Kintyre / Knapdale Peninsula	Port Ban HP, Kilberry	14
Tuesday 21 April	Kilberry	Adfern	Craignish Peninsula / Sound of Jura	Galley of Lorne Inn	15
Wednesday 22 April	Adfern	Achindarroch	Oban / Castle Aaargh	Achindarroch TP	16
Thursday 23 April	Achindarroch	Ardnamurchan	Ardnamurchan Peninsula	Trevor’s campsite / Wild	17
Friday 24 April	Ardnamurchan	Fort Augustus	Malaig	Cameron’s B&B	18
Saturday 25 April	Fort Augustus	Applecross Bay	Kyle of Lochalsh / Bealach-Na-Ba Pass	Applecross Bay Wild	19
Sunday 26 April	Applecross Bay	Poolewe	Wester Ross / Loch Ewe	Inverewe Gardens CS	20
Monday 27 April	Poolewe	Ardmair Point	Ullapool / Ardmair Point	Ardmair Point HP	21
Tuesday 28 April	Ardmair Point	Clachtoll Beach	The wee mad road	Clachtoll Beach CS	22
Wednesday 29 April	Clachtoll Beach	Durness	Sango Bay	Sango Sands CS (hopefully)	23
Thursday 30 April	Durness	Farr Bay	Cape Wrath	Betty Hill CS	24
Friday 1 May	Durness	Castle of Mey	North Coast of Scotland / Pentland Firth	Castle of Mey B&B	25
Saturday 2 May	Castle of Mey	Dornoch	John O’Groats / Aberdeenshire	Dornoch CCP	26
Sunday 3 May	Dornoch	Bunchrew	Moray Firth / Black Isle	Bunchrew Caravan Park	27
Monday 4 May	Bunchrew	Sandend Bay	Moray Firth / Banff	Sandend Holidays	28
Tuesday 5 May	Sandend Bay	Cove Bay, Aberdeen	Aberdeenshire	Cove Bay Hotel	29
Wednesday 6 May	Cove Bay, Aberdeen	Tayport	Kincardine / Angus / Firth of Tay	Larick Campsite, Tayport	30
Thursday 7 May	Tayport	Dunbar	St Andrew’s Bay / East Neuk of Fife / Firth of Forth	Fiona	31
Friday 8 May	Dunbar	Tynemouth	Northumberland / Tyne & Wear	AirBnB Tynemouth	32
Saturday 9 May	Tynemouth	Whitby	Durham / North Yorkshire	Hooks House Farm	33
Sunday 10 May	Whitby	Spurn Head	Robin Hood’s Bay / Bridlington Bay	Garth Farm CS, Withernsea	34
Monday 11 May	Spurn Head	Skegness	Humber Estuary / Lincolnshire	Skegness Fields CS	35
Tuesday 12 May	Skegness	Ringstead	The Wash / North Norfolk	DAH	36
Wednesday 13 May	Ringstead	Dunwich	Norfolk / Suffolk	Cliff House CS	37
Thursday 14 May	Dunwich	St Osyth	Suffolk / Essex	Lee Wick Farm CS	38
Friday 15 May	St Osyth	Battlesbridge	Essex	Frasers Guest House	39
Saturday 16 May	Battlesbridge	Gravesend	Tilbury / Thames Estuary	Premier Inn, Gravesend	40
Sunday 17 May	Gravesend	Margate	Thames Estuary / Kent	Walpole Hotel, Margate	41
Monday 18 May	Margate	Old Hastings	Kent / White Cliffs / East Sussex	Shear Barn Holidays	42
Tuesday 19 May	Old Hastings	Portsmouth	Beachy Head / East & West Sussex	Debbie or Liz	43
Wednesday 20 May	Portsmouth	Milford on Sea	Hampshire / The Solent	The Beach House B&B	44
Thursday 21 May	Milford on Sea	Portland Bill	Hampshire / Poole Bay / Dorset	Sweet Hill Farm CS	45
Friday 22 May	Portland Bill	Teignmouth	Chesil Beach / Lyme Bay	AirB&B Teignmouth	46
Saturday 23 May	Teignmouth	East Prawle	Babbacombe Bay / Tor Bay /Start Bay	Shepherd’s Hollaway CS East Prawle	47
Sunday 24 May	East Prawle	Rame Peninsula	South Devon	Whitlock Inn, Rame Peninsula	48
Monday 25 May	Rame Peninsula	Mawnan Smith	South Cornwall	Budock Vean Hotel	49
Tuesday 26 May	Mawnan Smith	Portreath	The Lizard / Mount’s Bay / Land’s End	Hillcrest Views CS, Illogan	50
Wednesday 27 May	Portreath	Bude	North Cornwall	Wooda Farm HP	51
Thursday 28 May	Bude	Ilfracombe	North Devon / Bideford Bay	Lee Meadow Farm CS	52
Friday 29 May	Ilfracombe	Burnham on Sea	Exmoor / Somerset	Diamond Farm HP	53
Saturday 30 May	Brean Down	Barry Island	Around and over Bristol Channel	AirB&B Barry Island	54
Sunday 31 May	Barry Island	Rhossili	Gower Peninsula	Anne	55
Monday 1 June	Rhossili	Pendine	Carmarthen Bay	Thorning Farm	56
Tuesday 2 June	Pendine	Little Haven	Pembrokeshire / Marloes Peninsula	Whitesands Camping CCCS	57
Wednesday 3 June	Little Haven	Llangrannog	St Bride’s Bay / Cardigan Bay	Erwan CS	58
Thursday 4 June	Llangrannog	Tywyn	Cardigan Bay	Cae Du Farm CS	59
Friday 5 June	Tywyn/ Barmouth	Birmingham	Homeward bound!	67 Cherington Road	60

In the world of “reality” travel documentaries, there will always be an element of Jeopardy, so as to heighten tension and to raise the levels of excitement. The journey ahead can never be entirely straightforward, or else the spectacle may just become boring.

Which brings us to our “Trial Run”, an opportunity to test the equipment, to practise the procedures and to find out if the humans were equal to the task. Our destination was a new campsite on a sweeping 40 acre estate in the heart of deepest Herefordshire, which happens to be run by Willow’s sister Anna and her husband Hugh. A perfect spot to dabble gently in the business of raising camp in a tranquil and supportive environment. A calm and soothing dress rehearsal. In addition to Anna and Hugh, Fi and Gwill had come along to join in the fun.

However, we hadn’t reckoned with the precursor of the amusingly named Storm Dave, in the form of  a raging gale force wind. Nothing was easy. Battling the elements, we managed to raise the tent. But only for a few seconds before an absolutely vicious gust of wind ripped the tent from its moorings. A guy rope that Willow was holding was wrenched from her hand, leaving her bloodied and shocked. The tent was recovered before it flew off down the hill, but close inspection revealed that an essential strut in the structure of the tent had been snapped cleanly in two.

This was a desperately disheartening moment. Suddenly, camping had become a losing battle against the sheer power of Nature. And our plans seemed in disarray. The tent was broken.

Help was quickly at hand. Hugh, the resourceful and dashing pilot that he is was able to come up with a temporary fix featuring something called a Gee Clamp ( maybe American in origin? ). We were then able to raise and secure the tent by turning it around so that it faced away from the prevailing wind, thus correcting our initial mistake. But the tent continued to flap and groan in the teeth of the wind, whilst setting up camp with chairs and table and stove and everything else was something of a cold ordeal. In the circumstances , my slightly sinister brown leather driving gloves became my prized possession. It all seemed so much easier at the NEC.

After all the excitement, the assembled company enjoyed cups of tea and hot cross buns as we sat shivering in the freezing blast. Sensibly, the rest of the family returned to the sanctity of four walls, a solid roof and central heating, leaving us to our overnight fate.

Time for bed was viewed with some trepidation. Thermal undies were donned and hot water bottles filled. For me, the luxury sleeping bag/duvet proved to be cosy and warm, but the wind howling through the trees sounded like some roaring monster. The tent rattled and shook as the successive gusts tried again to send the tent and me soaring to some other world. Luckily, I stayed in Kansas. And at least it didn’t rain.

Next morning was chastening. We were both without our super-duper air mattresses, which frustratingly had still not been delivered. It had been an uncomfortable night, and my back was feeling the strain.The wind had dropped, but it was bitterly cold and a thin drizzle was making everything wet. The kettle wasn’t boiling. The stove was clearly not functioning at anywhere near an acceptable level. We packed Red hurriedly and without method.

Our journey home was contemplative and thoughtful. We had certainly learned several things, and we had managed to cope ( just about ) in adverse circumstances. Some illusions might have been shattered, yet perhaps we might be a little bit better prepared for whatever we may find on the road.

If this were a Celebrity Travel series, Episode One may well deal with the rationale and planning for the ambitious, and possibly perilous journey that lies ahead. A camera crew would follow our intrepid stars as they potter excitedly about, whilst a plentiful production team would carry out the hard graft of extensive research, meticulous planning and wrapping up every last detail.

But first, we must meet the daring travellers, the stars of our show :

…who are always shown in their best light.

And the other star of the show is usually an unusual or exotic mode of transport; in this case:

RED!!

And a high profile celebrity adventure most definitely requires a snazzy logo:

Copyright WEM

Of course, we have no lavish media organisation behind us, so we have had to do everything ourselves. It has been a project literally years in the making. The idea and inspiration came from Libby Purves’ wonderful book “One Summer’s Grace”, in which she told the story of her family’s epic voyage around the coast of mainland Britain, with one husband and two young children in a very modest sailing boat. Willow was seized with fervour and was keen to replicate the adventure at once. I fear that I drew the line at a grand sailing expedition, so instead the equally attractive proposition of a land based circumnavigation was born in our very own eccentric and characterful charabanc. But the idea took a long time to come to fruition, what with the slings and arrows of everyday life, the occasional global pandemic and the wearying wait for Happy Retirements. But at last, here we are on the verge of turning the dream into reality.

Actually, it would make for quite a fun Episode One. Literally months of route planning, poring over maps and guide books and websites other than just Tripadvisor and lots of specialist books and even joining the Camping and Caravanning Club! More entertainingly, we visited the Camping and Caravanning Show at the NEC where we bought a smorgasbord of items: self inflating memory foam mattresses, heated chairs, a small but powerful torch, the best moisturiser cream ever, a sturdy table, a sleeping bag/duvet arrangement, some samosas and a frying pan with holes in.

Trying out a heated chair at the NEC

Thus, the Old Dining Room filled up with essential touring and camping paraphernalia. Would everything ever fit into Red?!

Gradually, an itinerary took shape…

The awesome Oztent was tested on the green. It really could be raised in 30 seconds:

And whilst all this has been going on, Red has been receiving copious care and attention. We were fortunate enough to discover a very specialist VW garage just round the corner in Stirchley. Lee cast an eye over Red (sadly not at her best owing to various leaks) and he brimmed over with cheerful enthusiasm and encouragement. He provided us with a giant dollop of positive motivation. But first of all, Red needed drying out; a difficult task given the perpetual rain in January and February. We were able to hand a dry Red over to Lee to work his magic. Red was sealed and made watertight, the Leisure Battery was renewed and rewired. A sound system was installed and a hugely expensive power pack was connected ( so that we can keep our 437 devices properly charged ). Various accoutrements were added and a full service conducted. When we gave Red a thorough deep clean, inside and out, she really was better than new, and rarin’ to go all around Britain.

All that was left was to try a “Dry Run” to test out the basic camping procedures. But that was where the problems began…